October 16: My Third Blogging Milestone Day
Yesterday, I completed three years of posting something, on a day to day rhythm, a work of mine - an article, a photograph, a quote, a poem or digital experiments on images - at least one of them every day, on this blog here, Beyond This Life, my first blog that I created on July 1, 2009.
On October 16 in 2011, it was now some days that I had been thinking of making it a routine, a discipline, to look for 'meaningful' meanings in life after a series of huge emotional setbacks that had left me almost devastated, emotionally as well as existentially.
I was continuing with life, yet I was not living it. Throughout my whole life till then, I had arrived at meanings of events and elements of life on my own, with my identity firmly in place. And I bought what I spoke. I lived for what I was, for what my thoughts were.
But, the series of setbacks left me rushing for to call the meanings that had been pivotal so far. They had stopped responding. There was a nagging element of deepening mutual irrelevance. And my devastation was so acute that I was not able even to track down the meaning of the 'meanings' with the energy I was left with, even if I could. Something was killing 'a person' in me. My honestly cultivated life of 'living severally alone' was taking a severe beating, by detractors, by time, by moments, and by the people I cared for.
But like it is said the absolute hopelessness has elements of hope in-built; that there comes the lowest point on fall beyond which the journey goes always up.
I am yet to dissect on 'what led to', or probably I am not willing to look into at this moment, but I could see that ray of hope, I could identify those elements to pick up to enable me to be on the journey up.
And one of those major elements was this discipline with writing and posting something daily on my blog, something that was my own creation. Before it, my blog did have entries of others, though very few in numbers, but after it, it was all mine.
It was first on October 14 that year when I decided to begin but somehow could not post the October 15 entry in time. By the time I hit the 'publish' button, it was already October 16. But that was it. I posted another one on October 16, 2011 and it has been continued since then.
Yes, I had no idea on how long to go with, some future roadmap on it, a timeframe for which I would like to continue doing so. To sum up, it had no ultimate goal.
It built on day after day, week after week, month after, and then, year after year. There were small 'scales' to scale. There were small goals to achieve. There were randomly made thoughts to work on. And the events followed the continuity on the chain. With the central theme being maintaining the continuity, to have the chain remain unbroken.
It was a gradual healing, in stages, from one benchmark to next. The element chosen here pushed me to think more, think diverse and helped me think away. Here is how I have lived up these years so far on 'Beyond This Life'.
October 16, 2011 to October 15, 2014 - 1096 days
October 16, 2011 to October 15, 2014 - 1352 posts
October 16, 2011 to October 15, 2012 - 374 posts
October 16, 2012 to October 15, 2013 - 439 posts
October 16, 2013 to October 15, 2014 - 539 posts
These figures are what define my journey on 'Beyond This Life' so far, scaling up gradually, like the healing.
What began as an urge to explore and write something day after day is now an urge that comes with a joy of creating every day, writing on range of issues, writing on life, clicking life, experimenting with words and images.
And the satisfying part of it is I still feel the same urge, a call that helps me to remain focused on exploring more and learning more - learning on the journey to life.
And like October 16, 2011, still, I do not have set goals to achieve or 'scales' to scale, but the motivation to feel the joy of having created something of my own at the end of the day.