AUSTERECTOMY

Austerectomy – haven’t heard of it na? It is the brand new addition to the vocabulary. Its etymological root lies into wisdom of the political class, our dear lords who have descended from the heaven to oblige us.

The term, still in development, is somewhat similar to ‘vasectomy’ in connotation. Like ‘vasectomy’ gives a permanent outcome through man-made interventions, Austerectomy too, is the attempt by our lords to permanently control the thinking of their subjects (us) through creating this refined version of austerity (for the betterment of the common man).  

They have been trying for it – consistently; subtly. How? Let’s see.

Whenever country reels under economic crisis, our lords come forward and announce austerity measures. Now, for all their pain, we have been criticizing them by terming their sacrifices as sham.

We should understand that it hurts them. ‘Mahatma Gandhi and his austerity’ is mere an aberration for this country on steeple growth curve. After all, our dear lords, descended from the heavenly abode, just to help us continue with ‘our-lives-as-they-were’, should have been recognized for their sincere efforts.

Instead, some of us foolishly deride them.

Now living in palatial bungalows or spacious flats in Delhi or elsewhere’s most prime locations is their birth-right. Perks like fat telephone bill, car fuel bill, electricity bill, transportations bill, and so on cannot even equal the sacrifices our lords make in order to serve us.

But, see their humility.

Even after all of our audacity and irresponsible criticism, they still think of us and try to reach us in order to implant in us the way of thinking that would help them deliver better. ‘Undue’ criticism does dissipate some of the vital energy in trivial things when it results in forced alterations in the ‘life-of-the-common-man-as-it-is’.

And Austerectomy is one of the grand schemes intended to reach the stupid common man making him believe the difference in austerity for our lords and for us. What our lords intend to achieve from it?

• Since they need to concentrate more in order to ensure that we remain the way we have been, they need us to see the ‘dual meaning of austerity’ from their eyes.

• There cannot be any compromise with the separation – the ruler and ruled. Sometimes, in the name of democracy’, many of us forget it. Austerectomy will help in strengthening this gap in a viable manner.

• Also, creating a different word that sounds similar to austerity would help in rapid percolation of the intended meaning of Austerectomy, thereby reducing the confusion due to the ‘dual meaning of austerity’ for the ruler and the ruled.

Austerectomy is the symbolic gesture by our lords to let us know that the difficult times for the common man is on the way. They so painfully compromise on practices like holding meetings in five-star hotels, regular foreign travels in business class or postponing the purchase of new office furniture.

We can understand the level of pain in these efforts by the fact that many members of the ruling class find their ‘conscience’ helpless and unwillingly violate the symbolic gestures.

So the top bosses of ailing Air India decide to attend the international meet in China even if a section of their employees is on strike for weeks now; so ministers of an Indian state splurge crores on renovating their bungalows; so the prime minister throws an exotic extravaganza on completing three years in the office when the GDP registers lowest growth rate in nine years; so some of the ministers keep on holding five-star meetings; so some of the states continue with the portfolios like ‘minister for Homeopathy’ or ‘minister for prisons’.

Austerectomy may well be a panacea if implemented well. It can help in reducing the ‘undue’ criticism of the honest intents of our lords. After all, the symbolic austerity measures cannot do anything when the fiscal deficit is at 5.9 per cent, i.e., Rs 521,980 crore on March 31, 2012.

By Austerectomy, our lords send us the message that we need to tighten the belt and should be ready for tough times. Government would cut jobs. We need to comply. Government would reduce subsidies. We need to comply. Government would reduce expenditure on public services like healthcare and education. We need to comply.

All in the name of Austerectomy.

Our compliance would help the lords in concentrating their efforts to squeeze more out of us in order to meet the increased demands of the slumping economy as well as ensure their ‘lives-as-they-were’.

And so the difference of paradise and paradox and the separation between the ruler and the ruled could remain like this, forever. 

HEIL AUSTERECTOMY!

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey - http://severallyalone.blogspot.com/