The best way to know the self is feeling oneself at the moments of reckoning. The feeling of being alone, just with your senses, may lead you to think more consciously. More and more of such moments may sensitize ‘you towards you’, towards others. We become regular with introspection and retrospection. We get ‘the’ gradual connect to the higher self we may name Spirituality or God or just a Humane Conscious. We tend to get a rhythm again in life. We need to learn the art of being lonely in crowd while being part of the crowd. A multitude of loneliness in mosaic of relations! One needs to feel it severally, with conscience, before making it a way of life. One needs to live several such lonely moments. One needs to live severallyalone.

Thursday, 7 June 2012


The aspect you see. The aspect you don’t see.

It’s all within you. You denote the world. You create the word.

There are facets of events in life that drag you back. We seldom realize the message that such moments might carry for us.

During the Mass Communication course at the Banaras Hindu University, we had paper of Film Appreciation. We were supposed to watch films and analyze them critically with a film-specialist perspective. ‘Schindler’s’ List’ was one of the films we were shown and it remains one of favourites till date. The movie is about transformation of Nazi party member and an opportunistic businessman, Oskar Schindler, as the saviour of over 1100 Jews.

The imagery and the visual communication of the film is simply outstanding that culminates in the last series of dialogues between Oskar Schindler and Itzhak Stern where Schindler says with tearful eyes ‘he could have saved more’. Here it goes: (Courtesy: IMDB)

Oskar Schindler: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just... I could have got more.
Itzhak Stern: Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
Oskar Schindler: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I'd just...
Itzhak Stern: There will be generations because of what you did.
Oskar Schindler: I didn't do enough!
Itzhak Stern: You did so much.
[Schindler looks at his car]
Oskar Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.
[removing Nazi pin from lapel]
Oskar Schindler: This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this.
Oskar Schindler: I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't! And I... I didn't!

During the discussion session on the movie we were asked to define the central characterization theme of the movie in one expression. My take was, ‘there is always a good man in all of us, and we, in association with the life events, can always find him’. I don’t know why, no reason given, but my observation was not taken seriously. Anyway I stuck to the point that had hit me so spontaneously.

Now I am clear why I had said that. It’s about experiences you live, experiences that you inherit, experiences that you build. Good or bad, they let you create a world of your own.

Experiences tell you to look on the aspects of the life you need to look on; experiences tell you to sift out the aspects you don’t need to look back.

Oskar was aggravated by the plight of the Jews during the Holocaust. He visited the concentration camps to recruit Jews for his factory and was witness to the killings for fun by the Nazis. He had seen the commercial aspect of getting cheap labour but staying at the site of executions let him see the humane aspect of his commercial venture – building a factory to allow Jews to have a shelter. And he was transformed by the time the war ended.

Since that discussion session, I have had my share of ups and downs in life. I have had moments of despair. I was desperate. I questioned everything. I have had negatives prevailing positives in my life.

But I was wrong. I was looking at the aspect of life that was giving me pain. I was not looking at the aspect that could have let me introspect to explore my internal flame. Pain was never an issue but being not able to connect with my internal flame was a shocker. And one fine morning, a decision was taken. It finally put me on the path of introspection. It led me to explore the other aspects of events happening in my life.

I could see enough positives then in the course of the time to be the person I was; to be the person I am, ready to take the life head-on, more determined than ever to create the world I positively think of.  

Yes, there are certain events where I cannot see the aspect other than what already happened. We all have such events in our lives. The only way is to learn living with them. Being able to look at the positive aspect of the events other than these certain events help you in this learning.

I have been able to realize this. I still miss certain people. I still long for certain voices. But I am not desperate anymore. I have been able to put my memories in a perspective. They are more of a source of strength for me. I realize the need to be the life I am.

I have started seeing the aspects I was not able to see.

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey -