The best way to know the self is feeling oneself at the moments of reckoning. The feeling of being alone, just with your senses, may lead you to think more consciously. More and more of such moments may sensitize ‘you towards you’, towards others. We become regular with introspection and retrospection. We get ‘the’ gradual connect to the higher self we may name Spirituality or God or just a Humane Conscious. We tend to get a rhythm again in life. We need to learn the art of being lonely in crowd while being part of the crowd. A multitude of loneliness in mosaic of relations! One needs to feel it severally, with conscience, before making it a way of life. One needs to live several such lonely moments. One needs to live severallyalone.

Sunday, 6 May 2012


दिल की बेचैनी कहती है के अब और नहीं..

It came as a sharp blow of some blunt weapon. They are absconding and the police have attached and sealed their house for a crime which no one had expected from a family like that.

He was some years senior to me and part of our sporting contingent throughout my teen years, be it cricket, hockey, chess or tennis. A mild mannered one, he was considered serious in studies. Hailing from a middle class family of a government servant father and a housewife mother, he completed Law courses and went on to reach to the interview stage of the examination conducted for the state civil services.

So such a ghastly act from this family was beyond my or probably anyone’s imagination knowing even a bit about them. I was never close to the guy or his family but knew this much to think like that.

When I came to know that they were slapped with dowry death cases, it was like freezing the inertia to some spine-chilling crime scene.

What I came to know is really the sad story of the India of the day where the country is killing its daughters like barbarians. Every day sees such cases – dowry murders, female foeticides and infanticides, forced sex trade and human trafficking, increasing number of rape cases, ever-increasing volume of data on crime against women with tag words like molestation, assault, eve-teasing, abduction, forced marriages, underage marriages – you name them and can easily google with any of these keywords to find plenty of cases. Just sift through the annual records of the National Crime Records Bureau to see the horror compounding with every passing year.

The guy was married sometime ago but there was some issue related to the dowry amount as reported. His family was asking for more but the economic condition of the girl’s family was not good to meet it. The boy’s family put the condition that they would accept the girl in their family only if the dowry demands were met.

Girl’s family could not afford it. Time went on. A year passed by.

After a year, the father took his daughter to her in-law’s house. Though I wasn’t there and I just have heard it, my heart cries on the butchery of the boy’s family on what they did with the father-daughter. They were there, standing; his father pleading. Nothing moved. The boy’s family didn’t open the door.

A disappointed and harassed father returned to his home with his married daughter, unable to quench the greed of the bastards. It took over him. Slowly, his health deteriorated. One day, he was no more. His daughter couldn’t take it anymore, she broke down. She committed suicide. But she left a letter detailing her ordeal and implicating the boy and her in-laws.

Now, the boy’s family is on the run. I don’t know if they will be caught or punished at all. If there is no one strong enough in the girl’s family to pursue the case, underhand deals can be made any day.  It happens.

My own experience, being the main complainant in a murder case and fighting the case for the past two years, has not been good, though, I can say I am somewhat resourceful in handing the related adversities.

What was the fault of these two lives lost?
What forced it – silly norms – of following social institutions, even if it means sacrificing your peace, your life!
Norms – who made them? Why can’t we throw them out?

For a system like ours, it might remain just yet another story. A system, that is in urgent need of change, but, instead, is trying all to forbid the change.

Apart from the boy’s family, aren’t we all responsible for these two murders – yes, we killed them.

Why have we made the institution of marriage so above everything?
Why don’t we leave the option to girls if they at all want to get married?
Why we start saving for marriage instead of investing in her future if a girl arrives in a family?
Why don’t we ask her if she is ready to get married or wants to focus on her career instead?
Why don’t we ask if she is ready to go in an alliance based on the hard bargain of dowry demands?
Why don’t we take hard decisions to say no to such demons even if we committed the mistake of entering an alliance once?
Why do we care so much about this spineless ‘so-called society’ which seldom stands with you in moments of crisis? 

These are very pertinent questions floating all around but choked by the alienated ways the social fabric of India has taken when it comes to the questions of gender parity.

Share of women population in India is decreasing. Share of crime against women in the overall data is increasing.

Mindset, it’s all in the mindset. How and when will it change no one knows. But we need to fight back the demons of the patriarchal India. It’s a long battle, to be fought consistently. We all need to do the maximum we can, sincerely and consistently.  

I caught some bits of Aamir Khan’s TV show today. The launch episode dealt with the problem of female foeticide. It was a good show and should be seen as an attempt to do his bit, as Aamir Khan said that he wanted to contribute to the social cause through this show. He sounded genuine as he didn't preach. Instead, he talked sense.

A simple, well-researched, neatly packaged thought-provoking show. It is not going to change the India of the day as unlike the senseless debates on the TV channels, but is certainly an honest effort that shows a steely resolve by it's simple style of presentation.  

Yes, the fight needs the steely resolve. Women are never weak. They are the stronger part of the creation. Some of them are fighting. Why can’t we walk with them, voicing our commitment to the cause that is ours, not just theirs?

The demonic values related to male domination are so deeply entrenched in our society that it requires coordinated efforts from you and me, from us all. We need to feel the pain every such girl and her family went through and act with telling our conscious that not anymore a life will be lost to the greed of the gender demons.

Aamir’s show says - दिल  पर  लगनी  चाहिए, दिल  पे  लगेगी  तो  ही  बात  बनेगी 


यहाँ तो नश्तर चुभे हुए हैं, दिल की बेचैनी कहती है के अब और नहीं..  

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey -