Almost of us have a life driven by circumstances. Circumstances that leave us in a lurch where we easily slip to an attitude where we tend to ignore us more and more. Almost of us have a life linked to set of people who matter; people who add up to the validity of our existence. We have so many lives that we never feel the injustice that we extend to us by not giving ‘the’ time to us. We feel satisfied when we make our people happy. We play different roles to approve every moment that passes and we need to do so. If I am ignoring myself then, circumstantially, I cannot be blamed.
Our sphere of life is so small that we need to preserve it any cost. What we earn in life is just some committed bondages. We are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, beloveds, friends, teachers, and mentors, relations that give us a meaning.
We have expectations. Sometimes we feel happy to comply, sometimes we feel obliged to comply, sometimes we need to comply, sometimes we have to comply, and sometimes we do not comply. Sometimes we do not keep expectations. These different dimensions are coordinates; coordinates that tend to balance themselves to maintain the poise when expectations clash. Most of the time, when we are in a state of cognitive dissonance, the poise swings back to the equilibrium, sometimes the poise looses its spontaneity, to not to come back.
So many branches ramify that we gradually lose the string – ‘the’ connect to us - as we grow, we feel we have grown up, have become mature. We seldom realize in the process we lost our innocence. We lose spontaneity of our nature.
Can we maintain the rhythm?
We need to identify the moments that we can find through our different lives, moments that lead us to us only, moments that connect us to the ‘inner us’ while we are living with the world, maintaining the contacts, maintaining ‘the’ presence. We need to be alone at moments to find that precious connect back. We need to know if we can be with someone and with us at the same time. We need to know if we are able to maintain this spontaneity, this poise. We have all the right to do so, if at the end of the day, we do not want to face the question that we could not pursue the quest to find us.
The best way to know the self is feeling oneself at moments of reckoning. The feeling of being alone, just with your senses, may lead you to think more consciously. More and more of such moments may sensitize ‘you towards you’, towards others. We become regular with introspection and retrospection. We get ‘the’ gradual connect to the higher self, we may name Spirituality or God or just a Humane Conscious. We tend to get a rhythm again in life and we may become spontaneous again. We need to learn the art of being lonely in crowd while being part of the crowd. A multitude of loneliness in mosaic of relations! One needs to feel it severally, with conscience, before making it a way of life. One needs to live several such lonely moments.
I have felt like this so many times before being regular with it. I need to live like this.