The best way to know the self is feeling oneself at the moments of reckoning. The feeling of being alone, just with your senses, may lead you to think more consciously. More and more of such moments may sensitize ‘you towards you’, towards others. We become regular with introspection and retrospection. We get ‘the’ gradual connect to the higher self we may name Spirituality or God or just a Humane Conscious. We tend to get a rhythm again in life. We need to learn the art of being lonely in crowd while being part of the crowd. A multitude of loneliness in mosaic of relations! One needs to feel it severally, with conscience, before making it a way of life. One needs to live several such lonely moments. One needs to live severallyalone.

Tuesday 15 December 2009


It is the most basic question of life, and the most demanding one. Demanding not due to being basic in nature, but by varying explanations of paradigms of the quest to find the 'Self', something depending on the 'self' only. And here it becomes double edged. We need to be aware of the 'self' in order to find the "Self'. We may realize it as we grow spiritually; we may realize the true 'we'.

But mind you, it may or may not happen. We may come to realize who we are tracing our thoughts to the root of our consciousness, when we had started thinking; thinking somewhat independently about our spiritual quotient and the values of our existence. Then we are able to fix the bolt correctly.

On the other hand, we may altogether lose what we used to think of us spiritually when we had the basic free thinking and some perspectives on who we would be so that we could contribute for our existence here. Before setting eyes on it firmly, we had to embark onto different journeys, for subsistence, for Existence. We gain. We lose. We are nourished. We are battered. In soul. In mind. In thoughts. The thought process that was free of shackles, at least in matters of soul, and hence the representative one, starts inviting changes. Now these changes may or may not be in line, to keeps us on the track of the spiritual quest, or to sweep us away, somewhere in a world, utterly individualistic and extremely hedonistic. Here we may, somehow, fix the bolt; or may not fix it altogether.

It is about trying to find out the ways to extend thoughts when we had started thinking about values of life, in a desperate yet resolute effort to find the 'Self'. I believe growing spiritually is a journey from the many shades of 'selfs' to the 'Self'. I have felt the unease. I feel the unease. My many ‘selfs’ have let me down so many time, leaving me absent-minded. Perhaps the quest to the ‘Self’ has been the only constant as it has allowed me to assimilate every ‘self’ of mine irrespective of where it takes me. When I feel let down, I look up to the distant ‘Self’ that tells me then that every ‘self’ is a constituent of the ‘Self’ only, trying to impart significant insights, sometimes, to be let down to look up to survive.

The varying paradigms of the quest to the ‘Self’ let us on occasional introspection and retrospection sprees to see our ‘selfs’ in varying degrees of vulnerability and adaptability. We may be left let-down to go down. We may not be left let-down, as such, to go down.