Well, these are some words from
the first letter written in public domain by Rohith Vemula - that is now also
is his last one - because Rohith, a young research scholar from a reputed
university, committed suicide yesterday.
And these words, if they tell his
suicide may have other reasons than student politics and caste discrimination,
they also tell, in fact the whole language of his letter, that this guy cannot
be anti-national as Bandaru Dattatreya, senior BJP leader and union minister,
and University of Hyderabad administration think.
Like everything has good and bad
facets - student politics is no exception. In fact, student politics is a must
in any democracy - but certainly not in the form that is prevalent in India -
from Delhi University to Jawaharlal Nehru University to Mumbai University to
University of Hyderabad to Banaras Hindu University - in fact, in any
university in India.
The developments related to
student politics leave you in bad mood and in bitter taste. I have seen its
polluted form, a form that has become a sort of norm in India, during my days
in Banaras Hindu University. Thankfully, the student union, as it prevails in
places like DU and JNU, doesn't exist in BHU though it has its flipside - a
ruthless university administration that has consistently seen and faced
allegations of corruption and impropriety - including its current
administration - a clear letdown - a trend that began in early years of the
first decade of this Century.
Rohith, the 26 year old, second
year Ph.D. student, was expelled from hostel and was barred from other living spaces
of the university except his classroom, library and seminars and conference
halls - in a way a social boycott.
He writes in his letter he has no
complaints and no one should be held responsible for his suicide. He writes 'he
is happy being dead than alive'. He writes he is not sad but is feeling empty
and that is killing him.
I have no intention to go into
inside out of this letter. I am incapable of doing so. In fact, I should not do
so.
But there are some relevant
questions where we must look for the answers if we have to stand up and grow as
a holistic society, and this letter is right there.
What Rohith has written in his
letter are questions fuelled from a sense of insecurity that creeps beneath
your skin when you start questioning the society around you in terms of your
ethos towards life - and we all entitled for that.
His letter flows lyrically. It
has a soul - a soul that tells of a conscious mind - a soul that tells us why
his detractors including the university administration, politicians including
those from student politics and society at large are wrong - a soul that tells
why they all are culprits.
Yes, life is as much about
positives as it is about negatives - and the journey here is the sum total of
maintaining the lead of positives over negatives - but sometimes, negatives
become so acidic that anything can happen in those 'impulsive moments that let
you down'.
Embracing death - this young
fellow looks set to do that - without blaming anyone - wishing for a journey to
some other worlds - but his words also tell that how we failed him - that how
we exacerbated the feeling of 'disconnect' in those impulsive moments' when
Rohith decided to embrace death.
His tragic death deals deeply
with the questions of identity crisis - like commoditization of a human life - a
research scholar at a university, with a conscience like of the author of this
letter, bound to feel low when he faces the insensitivity around him - mixed
with social arrogance and social apathy.
Rohith Vemula was active in
student politics but his letter tells his was a logical political past - the
way it should be in student politics - and not like the obscene display of
political muscle and money in places like DU. And we safely can say that
Ambedkar Students Association (ASA), Rohith was a member of, is far less
controversial than ABVP (Akhil Bhartiya Vidyarthi Parishad), BJP's student
politics wing.
The letter says Rohith was not
sad but it lets itself bare open before us in letting us know that how
depressed he was when he terms his birth as some fatal accident and his grown
up days as disconnected from the society he was living in - so much so that he
says that we need fakes to look original.
We may rightly debate that it is
not the case but Rohith makes his point logically and lyrically - even if leaving
us all humiliatingly burdened by the sense of guilt that his death has caused.
The reason for his death goes
well beyond caste politics. It is more about the rot in our education system,
especially the university education system. Unfortunately, most of the
universities in India are like small fiefdoms where vice-chancellors lord over
like anything. And with increasing political patronage and interference, people
with questionable academic intent are having a green run. It was a political
interference that caused Rohith's expulsion from hostel.
In such institutions, teaching
quality is the first casualty. Next in the line are students. Student politics,
that is a direct offshoot of senior level politics in our country, further
pollutes the system. Large scale scams are regularly alleged in recruitments
and admissions. The VCs with feudal mindsets take bizarre decisions though
these things are hardly reported. The recent decision by BHU to sack Sandeep
Pandey, visiting professor, IIT-BHU, is one such example. The university
administration has branded the Magsaysay winner a 'naxalite'. Utter rubbish!
And then there are social
equations.
India has made considerable
progress in ensuring social affirmative action. It cannot be outrightly dismissed
as some are trying to do (as some try to do whenever such incidents happen). Much
has been done and we can see its effects.
But then it is also equally true
that much is yet to be done, especially in rural belts. And that tells us we
urgently need to graduate to the next stage of our affirmative action.
And about the mindset change in
urban India - where the problem exists - it is a complex social equation and a straight
law and order issue - and must be dealt accordingly. It will take time but we
need to appreciate that the change is coming - if we have to succeed - like
sternly dealing with culprits in this case - even if Rohith's letter doesn't
blame anyone.
We need to graduate to 'Dalit cause'
- beyond 'Dalit politics' - and we need to be real with it - beyond those
artificial dogmas that still blind us.
I did not know who Rohith Vemula
was before yesterday. No one except his immediate life circle knew him before
yesterday.
But, now I know who he was, through
his words - through this letter. A loss of young life this way leaves unanswered
questions for all of us - blaming us collectively - for failing it.
Rohith Vemula only letter
(addressed to all of us) - and must be for all of us..
Good morning,
I would not be around when you
read this letter. Don’t get angry on me. I know some of you truly cared for me,
loved me and treated me very well. I have no complaints on anyone. It was
always with myself I had problems. I feel a growing gap between my soul and my
body. And I have become a monster. I always wanted to be a writer. A writer of
science, like Carl Sagan. At last, this is the only letter I am getting to
write.
I loved Science, Stars, Nature,
but then I loved people without knowing that people have long since divorced
from nature. Our feelings are second handed. Our love is constructed. Our
beliefs colored. Our originality valid through artificial art. It has become
truly difficult to love without getting hurt.
The value of a man was reduced to
his immediate identity and nearest possibility. To a vote. To a number. To a
thing. Never was a man treated as a mind. As a glorious thing made up of star
dust. In every field, in studies, in streets, in politics, and in dying and
living.
I am writing this kind of letter
for the first time. My first time of a final letter. Forgive me if I fail to
make sense.
May be I was wrong, all the
while, in understanding world. In understanding love, pain, life, death. There
was no urgency. But I always was rushing. Desperate to start a life. All the
while, some people, for them, life itself is curse. My birth is my fatal
accident. I can never recover from my childhood loneliness. The unappreciated
child from my past.
I am not hurt at this moment. I
am not sad. I am just empty. Unconcerned about myself. That’s pathetic. And
that’s why I am doing this.
People may dub me as a coward.
And selfish, or stupid once I am gone. I am not bothered about what I am called.
I don’t believe in after-death stories, ghosts, or spirits. If there is
anything at all I believe, I believe that I can travel to the stars. And know
about the other worlds.
If you, who is reading this
letter can do anything for me, I have to get 7 months of my fellowship, one
lakh and seventy five thousand rupees. Please see to it that my family is paid that. I have to give some 40 thousand to
Ramji. He never asked them back. But please
pay that to him from that.
Let my funeral be silent and
smooth. Behave like I just appeared and gone. Do not shed tears for me. Know
that I am happy dead than being alive.
"From shadows to the stars."
Uma anna, sorry for using your
room for this thing.
To ASA family, sorry for
disappointing all of you. You loved me very much. I wish all the very best for
the future.
For one last time,
Jai Bheem
I forgot to write the
formalities. No one is responsible for my this act of killing myself. No one
has instigated me, whether by their acts or by their words to this act. This is my decision and I am the
only one responsible for this. Do not trouble my friends and
enemies on this after I am gone.